Category: Influence

Three Keys to Earning Trust

Trust is given to us by others. We have to earn it, and we usually don’t recognize its importance until it is gone. So how can we increase the trust that others put into us?

Why do you trust the people you trust? Trust is gained by being consistent, being competent, and being positively connected with others.

One way to make yourself more trustworthy is to develop your character. Your character displays to others the traits that make you trustworthy.

1. Consistency: Your decisions and actions are driven by your values. Knowing your values and following your values will make you more consistent.

2. Competency: Without developing the required skills, people will find it difficult to trust you. Would you have dental work performed by someone that has not developed the proper skills? In the same manner, people rarely follow people that have not developed their leadership skills.

3. Connection: Trust is all about how people see you. Putting other people first, and creating a positive relationship will enable the connection you need for trust.

Practice becoming the person you want to be, and people will identify you as being trustworthy.

Just Going Through the Motions

There are times I complete my to-do list, and yet, I feel like I have not accomplished anything. Do you ever experience those days?

Habits, consistency, and perseverance help me achieve my goals on a daily basis. But if I don’t continually challenge my habits, then I risk becoming complacent.

That’s why I enjoy learning about people that are highly successful. Most have worked a lifetime to hone and perfect their skills. They always seem to be at their best, and authentic in their ways.

Just this week, Paul McCartney  signed a new record deal with Capital Records. At seventy-four years old, Paul still writes and records great music. He is not complacent, and definitely not just going through the motions.

Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice (once as a member of the Beatles, and once as a solo artist), Paul McCartney also has 21 Grammy Awards. He is the writer or co-writer of 32 Billboard 100 number one songs. I think you would agree, Paul is highly successful.

Most successful people truly enjoy what they do. For them, their work is fun.

You can find similar examples in any field… authors, actors, businessmen, inventors, and investors. You have to like what you do, so you can do it over and over and over. Never tiring of the discipline and the routine. It is not going through the motions, but sincere love.

I have been writing weekly articles for over five years. Writing these articles for me is not just going through the motions. It is fun, challenging, and enjoyable. I may not be a great writer, but I am better than I was five years ago. And it is still fun.

If you catch yourself just going through the motions. Take a break. Discover where the fun disappeared. Then find a way to put the fun back in your day.

Are Your Angry or Sad?

Media headlines are designed to evoke our emotions. This week I have been asking people if the recent events (the Dallas shooting in particular) has made them angry or sad.

When you first heard about the Dallas sniper that shot and killed five police officers, what was your initial reaction? For me, it was grief, sadness, and a touch of bewilderment.

Based on feedback from many people, I think this was a common reaction. In fact, not a single person told me their first reaction was anger. Yet it seems the media is always able to capture a feeling of anger.

My prayers are with the victims, and families of this tragic incident. We will never understand why it happened. But because of our media, we can be sure that it will be repeated. There will be someone else that steps forward to copy this crime.

I wish our freedom of the press was used for better purposes.

I encourage you to evaluate all situations not only from the perspective of others and the media, but from your own perspective. What is the true emotion that comes from within, not planted by someone else? Our world needs empathy, not anger.

 

Learning from The Voice: First Impressions that Count

I enjoy watching The Voice, a reality show for vocalists. Contestants start out in the beginning by singing in a blind audition. If you have seen the show, then you know the four coaches can press their button which swings their chair around so they can then see the contestant. Pressing their button indicates they want the contestant on their team.

If more than one coach presses their button, then the contestant gets to select their coach. This is the fun part.

I like to watch how the coaches interact with the contestant. They only have a few minutes to make a connection so that a contestant will want to choose them as their coach. The techniques that we can observe in these coaches will also work for us in our everyday situations.

Here are some of the key methods that I have recognized the coaches using:

1. Find common ground. The coaches quickly search for common ground. You can see them ask about where a person is from, who are their favorite artists, what genre of music they enjoy, etc. We connect with someone when we have something in common with them.

2. Use humor. A contestant can be very nervous on stage. You can watch the coaches lighten the moment by using humor. Often they are taking jabs from each other removing the stress from the contestant. We are drawn to humor. Laughter helps us connect.

3. Ask questions. Occasionally you see a coach ask a deeper question. They are probing to find an emotional connection with the contestant. When this happens, and it is successful, the contestant almost always selects the coach that asks the question. We can become skilled at asking great questions if we prepare, practice, and learn from our experiences. Questions are the best way to initially connect with someone. This process puts the focus and attention on them, not on ourselves. We connect with people that are interested in us.

4. Use positive reinforcement. All of the coaches are supportive of the contestants that they want on their team. So by itself positive reinforcement does not really make a difference in this situation. However, when a coach can combine it with supportive suggestions or ideas it can be very effective. It has to be done in a way that makes the contestant feel good, but also feel that the coach can help them improve. If we can get others to see possibilities for the future, we can connect with them in that vision.

Next time you have a chance to watch The Voice, think about how you would impact the contestants. What would you do with the few minutes you would get? And more importantly, how can you apply these lessons to your day?