Personal Strengths – Page 9

The Tragedy of Insecure Leaders

We have all heard it said, “People are much faster to quit a bad boss, than a bad job.” I think one of the worst bosses to work for, is an insecure boss. I have always wondered how these people get promoted to their position.

A leader that is insecure is poison for an organization. They will destroy morale, and people will begin to leave. Maybe you have worked for one of these people in the past. They are easy to recognize.

1. An insecure leader does not provide security for others. These leaders are always looking out for themselves first. Their insecurity has them act to protect their job at the expense of others.

2. An insecure leader takes more from people than they give. These leaders are demanding of their people. In many cases they may not even understand the work associated with their demands. They want to beat their goals at any cost to keep their position.

3. An insecure leader limits the potential of people around them. They don’t ask for input. They don’t listen to suggestions. They are receiving all their input from the top. Those are the people they need to please, not their team. Your personal goals and growth do not matter to an insecure leader.

4. An insecure leader limits their own organization. Organizations are more effective when the talents of all are best utilized. This can never happen in an organization with insecure leaders.

If you are stuck working for an insecure leader, what is your escape plan? You are wasting your talents stuck in a position where you are not appreciated. Don’t think it will get better. Only when enough people leave will an organization see they have a problem.

This article may seem a little harsh, but do you really want to waste your potential?

What Everybody Ought to Know About Authenticity

Authenticity is a trait that we admire. In the business world it is used as a trait that is required, but being authentic is a challenge.

True authenticity requires being ourselves in all situations. Acting and behaving based on our values, beliefs, and thoughts. True authenticity prevents us from pretending to be someone we are not. It is living in our character all the time. Yet it is nearly impossible to achieve.

Here are at three situations that often cause us to not be authentic.

Protecting Others – Sometimes we need to act differently to support other people. For example, being brave even when we are not feeling brave. Lending strength to others even when you are feeling weak can be unauthentic, but necessary in certain settings. It is putting the needs of others before yourself.

Expectations – Sometimes we are expected to put on our “game face”. The situation we are in requires us to be something we are not. For example, the saying “don’t let them see you sweat”, comes to mind. When we behave in this manner are we preventing some negative consequence, or are we just playing the game?

Childhood Lessons – We are filled with childhood lessons because of someone else’s idea about our life. Most are harmless, but they can program us to behave in a way that is not our true self. For example, we are taught at a young age that men don’t cry. How does this lesson serve us? It results in men that cannot grieve. Another example is “don’t talk to strangers”. This lesson only serves us as a child. As an adult the ability to approach and talk to strangers is a strength. Can we live to our full potential without meeting strangers? How many childhood lessons have shaped you into something less than you could be?

How can we grow to be more authentic?

1. Recognize when you are not being authentic. Know thyself. Strive to live up to your ideals. When you act outside what is natural for you, evaluate why.

2. Don’t assume that being authentic will result in the best outcome for any situation. I am reminded of some advice from my mother. She said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Does that mean I should never speak up if I don’t agree with someone? No. But before I speak up, I should reflect on a couple of things. Do I understand their view? What is the best way to express my disagreement? When and how would it be appropriate?

Being your authentic self doesn’t mean following your instincts without thought. When caught in an emotional moment we sometimes let one aspect of our character overshadow our true self. I think if we practice evaluating difficult situations, we will find ways to be authentic, and at the same time respect respecting others.

When do you find yourself not behaving authentically?

Learning from The Voice: First Impressions that Count

I enjoy watching The Voice, a reality show for vocalists. Contestants start out in the beginning by singing in a blind audition. If you have seen the show, then you know the four coaches can press their button which swings their chair around so they can then see the contestant. Pressing their button indicates they want the contestant on their team.

If more than one coach presses their button, then the contestant gets to select their coach. This is the fun part.

I like to watch how the coaches interact with the contestant. They only have a few minutes to make a connection so that a contestant will want to choose them as their coach. The techniques that we can observe in these coaches will also work for us in our everyday situations.

Here are some of the key methods that I have recognized the coaches using:

1. Find common ground. The coaches quickly search for common ground. You can see them ask about where a person is from, who are their favorite artists, what genre of music they enjoy, etc. We connect with someone when we have something in common with them.

2. Use humor. A contestant can be very nervous on stage. You can watch the coaches lighten the moment by using humor. Often they are taking jabs from each other removing the stress from the contestant. We are drawn to humor. Laughter helps us connect.

3. Ask questions. Occasionally you see a coach ask a deeper question. They are probing to find an emotional connection with the contestant. When this happens, and it is successful, the contestant almost always selects the coach that asks the question. We can become skilled at asking great questions if we prepare, practice, and learn from our experiences. Questions are the best way to initially connect with someone. This process puts the focus and attention on them, not on ourselves. We connect with people that are interested in us.

4. Use positive reinforcement. All of the coaches are supportive of the contestants that they want on their team. So by itself positive reinforcement does not really make a difference in this situation. However, when a coach can combine it with supportive suggestions or ideas it can be very effective. It has to be done in a way that makes the contestant feel good, but also feel that the coach can help them improve. If we can get others to see possibilities for the future, we can connect with them in that vision.

Next time you have a chance to watch The Voice, think about how you would impact the contestants. What would you do with the few minutes you would get? And more importantly, how can you apply these lessons to your day?

Find Your Success Within

It is no secret that real leadership starts within the leader. John C. Maxwell has said, “to do more, you have to be more”. He is referring to our character, our values, our thoughts, and our actions.

How often do you reflect on your own character? How strong are your values? Take five minutes and challenge yourself to put in writing your beliefs, values, and strengths. Make a list, and capture a description of your inner self.

The list is your pathway to success. It defines behaviors that you need to live every day to be successful. It should not describe the person you desire to be, the person you are. It should clarify in your mind the areas that require more of your focus, and areas that you need to be more intentional with.

How do you become more? You need to grow yourself in the areas that you value, and the areas of your strengths.

The list should also reveal your passions. Passion allows you to see opportunities. Passion is the fuel that triggers your action.

When I did this exercise, I learned that even though I am driven to help others succeed, I can sometimes be stuck routines that limit my effectiveness. I am excited about the ideas I generated on how I can help others in new ways, and hopefully more effective ways.

If you didn’t already stop to make your list, take the chance to do it right now. It will lead you to new ideas. Ideas that will let you become more, and do more.