Authenticity is a trait that we admire. In the business world it is used as a trait that is required, but being authentic is a challenge.
True authenticity requires being ourselves in all situations. Acting and behaving based on our values, beliefs, and thoughts. True authenticity prevents us from pretending to be someone we are not. It is living in our character all the time. Yet it is nearly impossible to achieve.
Here are at three situations that often cause us to not be authentic.
Protecting Others – Sometimes we need to act differently to support other people. For example, being brave even when we are not feeling brave. Lending strength to others even when you are feeling weak can be unauthentic, but necessary in certain settings. It is putting the needs of others before yourself.
Expectations – Sometimes we are expected to put on our “game face”. The situation we are in requires us to be something we are not. For example, the saying “don’t let them see you sweat”, comes to mind. When we behave in this manner are we preventing some negative consequence, or are we just playing the game?
Childhood Lessons – We are filled with childhood lessons because of someone else’s idea about our life. Most are harmless, but they can program us to behave in a way that is not our true self. For example, we are taught at a young age that men don’t cry. How does this lesson serve us? It results in men that cannot grieve. Another example is “don’t talk to strangers”. This lesson only serves us as a child. As an adult the ability to approach and talk to strangers is a strength. Can we live to our full potential without meeting strangers? How many childhood lessons have shaped you into something less than you could be?
How can we grow to be more authentic?
1. Recognize when you are not being authentic. Know thyself. Strive to live up to your ideals. When you act outside what is natural for you, evaluate why.
2. Don’t assume that being authentic will result in the best outcome for any situation. I am reminded of some advice from my mother. She said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Does that mean I should never speak up if I don’t agree with someone? No. But before I speak up, I should reflect on a couple of things. Do I understand their view? What is the best way to express my disagreement? When and how would it be appropriate?
Being your authentic self doesn’t mean following your instincts without thought. When caught in an emotional moment we sometimes let one aspect of our character overshadow our true self. I think if we practice evaluating difficult situations, we will find ways to be authentic, and at the same time respect respecting others.
When do you find yourself not behaving authentically?