Stop Interrupting and Listen

When I find myself interrupting a conversation, it is usually because I am excited to make an observation, a point, or share my opinion. But I have learned that what is important to me, may not be important to the other person.

I hate to be interrupted before I am able to finish my thoughts. Others are too. So why do we tend to do it so often? For me it seems to happen more with people that I know well. In my head I can finish their thoughts, so I don’t listen as closely.

To become a better listener, I had to make an effort not to interrupt. I had to stop finishing other people’s sentences. I had to focus intently on their words, not my thoughts.

The most important lesson I learned was that in many conversations, people just want someone to listen. The topic of the conversation is not even important. They just wanted to be heard.

We can all be better listeners. It starts with being quiet.

“When you interrupt, you’ve stopped listening. People need to be heard.” – Jerry Seinfeld

Why Think About Your Values

You probably are very aware that cost and value are different. In fact, when examined closely they may not even be related. Perceived value and true value for any item is also different from person to person.

I find it interesting to reflect on what I value, and why. Depending on the item I must consider usefulness, durability, and enjoyment.

How would you compare the value of a prime rib-eye steak versus a brand new Ford F-150 truck? A rib-eye may cost you $15 per pound in a grocery store. A new Ford F-150 you can buy for about $5 per pound. Isn’t that amazing? A rib-eye you can enjoy for one meal. The truck will provide value for many years.

What is interesting to me is not comparing value of things, but understanding what I value, especially in people. My values include honesty, authenticity, and compassion. I value people that are able to put others first.

We may share values, but I am sure our list of values would also be unique. What do you value? How would you differentiate between what you value, and what you appreciate.

I appreciate people that are candid, but I value compassion. I appreciate people willing to voice their opinion, but I value peaceful solutions. I appreciate people willing to challenge my ideas, but I value debate, problem solving, and collaboration.

If you create a list, challenge yourself to look at it as you make decisions throughout your day. I find that it helps me stay aligned with who I want to be.

How to Increase Your Ability to Take the Best Actions

Over the last several weeks we explored a process for goal setting and goal achievement. One question remains.

How do you know if your actions are the best actions you could have taken?

You don’t. In fact, most actions are neither 100% correct or 100% incorrect. Our actions have differing levels of effectiveness. In most cases, there are better or worse actions that could have been taken.

This single reason makes a personal reflection process very important. The few minutes spent each day in reflection accumulate over a lifetime into a wealth of knowledge. We improve exponentially faster by evaluating our experiences, not just by having an experience.

There is no magic formula for reflection. Some people may need only five minutes in a quiet place to think about the events of the day. Other people may write their thoughts in a journal. It may be that using a calendar system to take notes throughout the day works best for some people.

Each of us must discover the best method, the best time, and the best place for reflection. But for all of us, it is most effective when we make it a daily habit. If you can build it into your normal routine, it will pay huge dividends. The benefit compounds over time.

If it is not one of your habits, there is no better time to start then today.

4 Steps to Big Goals

After my article last week on my process for achieving goals, several people asked about my process for creating goals. So this week, I will outline my annual goal setting process.

I have written many times about how goals should be big. They should reflect a grand picture of the life you want to achieve. Yet, they must also be achievable. This requires perspective.

Every year I spend time looking at the bigger picture of my challenges. Most of the time I am working tactical issues to achieve my goals. But to set the right goals, I need to step back and evaluate my plans strategically.

I spend time thinking about the future using several different frameworks. These are the four specific steps I use.

1. Goals by category – In this first step, I capture my goals in different categories. I use the 12 areas outlined in John Maxwell’s book, Today Matters. They are attitude, priorities, health, family, thinking, commitment, finances, relationships, generosity, faith, values, and growth. These categories are effective for me because they are values I want to develop. These could seem too abstract. An alternative is to use these eight categories: career, money, health, friends and family, romance, personal growth, fun and recreation, physical environment.

2. Goals based on time – In the second step, I capture my goals based on a time frame. Usually I evaluate five years, ten years, and in my life time.

3. Goals based on my strengths – We are most successful when we able to put to use our personal strengths. In the third step, I capture my goals for developing and using my strengths. My top five strength areas (from Strengths Finder 2.0) are learner, strategic, intellection, analytical, and responsibility. So I think about how I can best utilize these skills.

4. Goals from the perspective of others – This final step recognizes how my goals affect other people. I try to capture the goals that would be most important to serve the people, teams, and organizations around me. I look for alignment in my plans with the needs of others.

This may seem overwhelming, but I usually only use this process once a year. It usually takes a few hours, and sometimes as much as an entire day. For me, it is an effective method to put the coming year into perspective.

If you are interested, here is a link to the form I use to guide me through this process. It is going to be a great year!